Positive affirmations don’t work (here are three things that do)

Positive affirmations don’t work (here are three things that do)

Positive affirmations can be an incredibly powerful tool to retrain the brain, but they can also majorly backfire. Looking in the mirror and saying, “I am strong, I am powerful” on a morning when I feel anything but strong or powerful makes my brain smirk and call bullsh*t. Because affirmations speak to the conscious mind, if your subconscious holds a different set of beliefs, it can set off an internal war—and when that happens, my brain can get mean: “Keep telling yourself that, Melissa, but we both know it’s not true.”

The good news is that I’ve discovered three alternatives to positive affirmations that work with the brain, not against, and provide a gentler and far more effective way to shift your subconscious thought patterns.

Interrogative Self-Talk

Declarative self-talk is what we typically think of when someone says “affirmation.” Think, “I am going to ace this interview” or “today I will be happy.” But if your subconscious brain is worried about the interview or doesn’t feel particularly happy, those declarations won’t hold much weight.

Interrogative self-talk is a fancy term for “make it a question.” Similar to Byron Katie’s practice called The Work, turning the declaration into a question helps prime the brain to question your own stories and look for evidence to support the positive outcome you want to see.

Using this technique, you’d ask yourself, “Can I be good at interviews? When have I been good in an interview?” Now, your brain is thinking about all of the ways you’ve been great at interviews, from arriving early to researching the company ahead of time to asking great follow-up questions. And even if there is just one piece of evidence to support you can be good,  that completely debunks the stressful thought, “I’m terrible at interviews.” Is that true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Not if you can think of even one exception.

For the second one, you might ask, “How have I been happy in the past? What kinds of things have brought me joy?” Now you’re thinking, “Oh, using the fresh Sharpie, actually sitting down for lunch, and making time to read before bed makes me happy, let’s build some of those things in.”  Or maybe you ask, “How could I be happy today?” Even if it’s a hard day, your brain is now primed to look for one sliver of light, and creating that can be a powerful and momentous experience.